Every year during the nine days of Navaratri, a festival in India celebrating the Devi-feminine energy of the Universe, literally translated as Nine (Nava) Nights (Ratri), I reflect on the course corrections that strong women have made in my life. And, yes, all the corrections have been for the better!
The first and lasting influence was my mother. Of course! Everyone has this very first formative course correction: Moms. She just led by example: Discipline; Focus; choosing the Right thing over the Convenient option; Questioning everything while at the same time discarding nothing! She became my go-to person with whom I could talk about anything and be 100% genuine and comfortable and natural. I remember the fun times baking cakes in an old electric oven and in even the cake baking process there was so much learning: Precision in measurement, Diligence in following the recipe, Attention to the details in the smallest step (for example, hand whisk meant exactly that, no electric assist, no nothing!). I carry that with me even today.
She also taught me, by example again, that no chore is menial or below-a-boy. I was at it in the kitchen helping her with chopping a carrot or slicing a tomato here and there! Heck, she also taught me how to mend socks and use running stitch in needlework and the beauty of knit and purl! (For the un-initiated, Knit & Purl are the two basic stitches in knitting). All this training is still bearing fruit! Bearing fruit for my wife but bearing fruit none-the-less!
After my mother passed, I thought, “Who’s going to do the necessary course corrections now?” And then I saw the power side of my grandmother. I quickly realized that in my mother’s case, the apple had not fallen too far away from the tree! My mother’s strength came from her mother. And it went one level up!! My great grandmother was almost super-woman! I have plenty of second and third hand stories but those are for another day.
After my grandmother passed, I felt a bit rudderless. Suddenly there was a vacuum and sort of helplessness of not being under the umbrella of a strong woman. In my 21-year-old muddle headed way, I imitated my mother’s strength. Except, in my case it was a totally misguided imitation and it quickly morphed into a defensive wall of arrogance.
But not to worry. There was another super strong woman not too far away who quickly shattered this wall. It was my Aunt (my father’s elder sister). However smartly I would do anything, my aunt would, with complete effortlessness, bring my ego crashing down! And she did this with complete caring. Behind all her actions was total responsibility. She recognized the void and stepped in completely. Even today whenever I go to meet her, no matter what I have achieved, she is her own imitable self: Completely dismissive yet totally caring!!
My mother’s cousin was another strong influence in my life. Her strength is being unconditionally available for anything that is required of her; a quality that served her well as a school teacher. She played a pivotal role in my marriage. She stepped in and took charge of the complicated, ritual and procedure riddled Indian wedding process!
The next major course correction in my life happened after my marriage! Sure, you say, of course!! But no. It was a subtle yet major course correction. Up until my marriage, all of the strong women in my life were predominantly left brained. My wife on the other hand is predominantly right brained. Where I was used to structure and order, she did not care much for it; where I would plan everything to the last detail, she would just go-with-the-flow! She opened up a completely new and scary world to me! Her strength is her seeking for spiritual upliftment. She walks with questions like “Who am I?”, “What is the purpose of my life on this planet?”, “How do I empower others around me?”.
My wife introduced me to my right brain; how to step back and see the big picture without getting caught up in the nitty-gritties! Together, with her leading and I following most of the way, we have undertaken a wonderful journey of self discovery, service and empowering others around us to live life at 100%. And she has kept me honest with my daily Meditation practice. She has not missed a single day of her daily practice for the past 13 years!! And, I can see the benefits she has gained. Again, strength in leading by example! Not only Meditation practice but she has curbed my innate tendency of taking shortcuts. Deep inside I strongly believed that if one can bend the rules and not get caught, then one deserves applause! Not anymore! I have seen her lead by example and always to the right thing and never chose the most convenient path. On this front I am still a work-in-progress!
Now that I am actively reflecting, there are so many strong women from whom I have learned a thing or two (or three or four in some cases!). My sister-in-law for example. I am constantly amazed by the ease with which she manages to keep a level head inspite of all the chaos happening around her! Taking care of aging parents, a young boy, running (two) homes and on and on! Silently strong. These are the words that come to mind.
Then there is our cook in India who took care of us after my grandmother passed. This lady fought against all odds to make something of her life; Sheer hard work with complete conviction that the efforts put in today will bear fruit tomorrow. Seeing her work her magic in the kitchen is a work of art! Whenever I cook, that is my ideal. Will I ever be as good as her? I thought I had arrived but then when I recently returned to India, I had the pleasure of a lunch cooked by her. Ya… no way have I arrived. Not even close! She is a magician. (I’ve got many stories of my adventures in cooking, but, that is also for another day).
My neighbor (we call her Kaku/Aunty; its an Indian thing), another strong woman, she introduced me to devotion. All her actions come from a space of complete devotion. Not devotion “to” something, just complete faith on the magnanimity of a higher being. To my left brained self it made no sense initially but over these years I can see how subtle yet major her influence has been.
My journey with the Art of Living has been totally shaped by women firmly and caringly moving me along. Their steadfast and unwavering centeredness in adverse and trying situations presented by volunteer work has somewhere, somehow, rubbed off on me. To all these super strong women, I owe a lot.
Its like the Divine Mother energy of the universe has been manifesting all around me throughout my journey till date! I’ve just never stopped and reflected on this. Sitting and reflecting for this article, I’ve realized that it truly is
Ya Devi Sarvabhuteshu…
O Divine Mother (Ya Devi), it is you that manifests in various forms (sarvabhuteshu) in all facets in our life...
The complete verse Ya Devi Sarvabhuteshu recognizes the various forms in which the Divine Mother manifests as Consciousness, Intelligence, Sleep, Hunger, Reflection, Power, Thirst, Forgiveness, Modesty, Peace, Faith, Forgiveness, Good Fortune, Activity, Memory, Compassion, Contentment, Mother, Doubt.
Underlying all these various manifestations is pure, unconditional love.
Love Moves the World!